How to Keep Being Friends With Our Brothers

Theme: What to do in situations that can threaten our friendship with our brothers.

Theme scripture: Colossians 3:12: “Clothe yourselves with tender affection, compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience.”

1. Where can we find good friends?

Answer 1:
We can find good friends among Jehovah’s people. In these difficult times it is especially valuable to have close by people we can trust, who share our faith and who want to help us stay spiritually strong.

Answer 2:
Psalm 119:63 shows that the psalmist sought the company of those who feared Jehovah and obeyed his commandments. That standard is still very useful: the best friendships are the ones that not only make us feel good but that also draw us closer to Jehovah.

Answer 3:
The congregation offers us something that is not always easy to find in the world: a spiritual family united by love for Jehovah. We may be very different in age, culture, and personality, but our shared faith gives us a very solid basis for forming deep friendships.

2. What kind of relationship do we want to have with our brothers?

Answer 1:
We do not want our brothers to be merely people we greet at the Kingdom Hall. We want to truly get to know them, take a personal interest in them, and form sincere friendships that can last both in good times and when difficulties come.

Answer 2:
John 13:35 says that love would identify Jesus’ true disciples. That is why our friendship with our brothers should not be superficial. Christian love moves us to invest time and effort to get to know them, support them, and help them feel that they can trust us.

Answer 3:
It is also realistic to recognize that a friendship does not maintain itself. Since we are all imperfect, sooner or later there will be misunderstandings, differences of opinion, or tense situations. That is why we need to keep cultivating our friendships and never take them for granted.

3. Why can it be difficult to keep some friendships?

Answer 1:
With some brothers we connect right away because we have similar tastes or personalities. With others we may feel that we are very different. That difference does not mean that we cannot be friends, but it may call for more effort, patience, and a willingness to understand each other.

Answer 2:
Disagreements may also arise that test our affection. If we focus too much on being right, something small can grow until it produces resentment. That is why a strong friendship needs spiritual qualities that help us overcome our differences.

Answer 3:
In addition, when a brother is going through a serious illness or emotional suffering, he may act in a way we do not understand. He may be more withdrawn, sensitive, or irritable. At such times we need to look beyond his behavior and try to understand what he is going through.

QUALITIES THAT HELP US PROTECT OUR FRIENDSHIPS

4. How can we strengthen our friendship with our brothers?

Answer 1:
One basic way is to make an effort to see their good qualities. The better we get to know a brother, the more opportunities we have to discover his faith, his generosity, his endurance, or his affection. That leads us to value him for far more than his small imperfections.

Answer 2:
First Thessalonians 2:17 shows how much Paul longed to see his brothers in person. This teaches me that relationships are strengthened by devoting time to them. Face-to-face conversations let us discover feelings and qualities that we might never learn from a simple greeting.

Answer 3:
The ministry, our meetings, and our assemblies give us many opportunities to spend time together. But we can make better use of them if we do not always talk with the same people. Approaching brothers who are different from us can open the door to friendships we might never have imagined.

5. What qualities will help us protect our friendships?

Answer 1:
We need humility, patience, kindness, and compassion. These qualities reduce the friction that inevitably arises between imperfect people. They do not eliminate our differences, but they do keep those differences from turning into conflicts that destroy a good friendship.

Answer 2:
Colossians 3:12 encourages us to clothe ourselves with tender affection, compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience. The comparison to a garment is interesting: these qualities should be constantly evident in the way we treat others, especially when something bothers us.

Answer 3:
The article compares them to the oil in an engine. Oil does not remove the parts that rub against one another, but it reduces friction and lets everything keep working. In a similar way, these qualities make it possible for very different people to keep getting along.

WHEN DISAGREEMENTS ARISE

6. Why can a disagreement endanger a friendship?

Answer 1:
Because usually both people believe that their own opinion is the correct one. The problem may start with something insignificant, but if pride enters in, we can stop talking about the matter calmly and start building up resentment.

Answer 2:
For example, two brothers might have different ideas about how to organize a preaching activity. Neither one is trying to do anything wrong, but if each one insists on proving that his own proposal is better, the matter can end up damaging a friendship that is worth far more than the disagreement.

Answer 3:
This teaches me to measure the true value of the matter. Sometimes we can win an argument and lose something much more important: the trust and affection of a brother. It is worth asking ourselves whether the matter is really worth putting a friendship at risk.

7. How did Jesus teach that humility is the key to resolving disagreements?

Answer 1:
The disciples were arguing about who was the greatest, and Jesus did not feed that rivalry. He taught them to view others with humility. If we stop trying to occupy first place, we find it much easier to give in and look for a peaceful solution.

Answer 2:
Matthew 20:25-28 shows that Jesus taught that whoever wanted to be great had to serve others. That way of thinking completely changes a disagreement, because we stop asking “How do I get them to accept my idea?” and start thinking “What will benefit others?”

Answer 3:
Jesus reinforced that lesson by washing his disciples’ feet, a humble task normally done by a slave. If the Son of God was willing to serve in that way, we too can give in on personal matters without feeling that we lose our dignity.

8. How does humility help when we have a disagreement?

Answer 1:
Humility helps us to overlook small matters and to acknowledge that our opinion may not be the only valid one. Instead of reacting immediately or insisting over and over, we can allow time to calm down and protect the relationship.

Answer 2:
Colossians 3:13 encourages us to keep putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely. That means we do not expect our friends never to upset us. If Jehovah forgives us so many imperfections, we too can forgive a poorly chosen word or a minor difference.

Answer 3:
A very useful question is: “Is it really worth risking this friendship just to prove that I was right?” Very often the answer will be no. Giving in on a small matter can lift a great weight off us and show that we value the person more than our own opinion.

9. How can humility help us if a disagreement goes unresolved for some time?

Answer 1:
If the situation drags on, humility moves us to take the initiative to put it right. We do not wait for the other person to take the first step, and we do not enter the conversation intending to win. Our goal is to restore the good relationship.

Answer 2:
Proverbs 17:9 shows that whoever forgives an offense promotes love, whereas dwelling on the matter can separate close friends. So once the problem is resolved, we do not want to bring it up again every time a difference comes up.

Answer 3:
We should also be willing to acknowledge our share of the responsibility and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes a friendship can be repaired with a simple, sincere conversation: “I don’t want this to come between us. Our friendship is much more important.” That attitude shows real maturity.

WHEN OUR PERSONALITIES ARE DIFFERENT

10. Why can it be hard to be friends with someone who has a different personality?

Answer 1:
There are personality traits that we may find difficult. Perhaps someone is very reserved and we are very expressive, or perhaps we need quiet and the other person wants to talk constantly. Those differences can cause irritation if we are not understanding.

Answer 2:
We should also remember that some ways of behaving may be related to a person’s culture, upbringing, or even traumatic experiences. If we are unaware of that background, we might interpret as a lack of interest or bad manners something that actually has another explanation.

Answer 3:
Not everything that bothers us is a flaw. Much of it is simply part of the person’s personality. That helps me to ask myself whether the brother really needs to change or whether it is I who needs to broaden my ability to accept people who are different.

11. How did Jesus manage to be a friend to people very different from himself?

Answer 1:
Jesus was patient. For example, James and John showed ambition when they asked for prominent positions in the Kingdom, an attitude very different from the deep humility that Jesus had shown throughout his life.

Answer 2:
Philippians 2:5-8 shows that Jesus willingly gave up a privileged position and humbled himself. Yet he did not stop loving James and John because they were still struggling with ambition. He gave them time to make progress.

Answer 3:
This teaches me that we should not demand that our friends immediately have our same way of thinking or our same strengths. We can acknowledge a weakness without defining the person solely by it. Jesus saw in his friends far more than their flaws.

12. What helped Jesus to be patient with his friends?

Answer 1:
Jesus had realistic expectations. He understood that his disciples had grown up in an environment where position and prominence were very important. So he knew that removing those ideas from their heart would not be an instant process.

Answer 2:
Mark 10:42-45 shows that Jesus kept patiently teaching them a different way of thinking: the truly great one had to be a servant of others. He did not just point out their flaws; he repeatedly helped them to replace them with a better attitude.

Answer 3:
We too can ask ourselves where a brother’s particular way of acting comes from. Understanding his upbringing, culture, or experiences does not excuse every kind of conduct, but it can help us to be more patient while the person keeps making spiritual progress.

13. How does patience protect our friendships?

Answer 1:
Patience allows us to accept some traits that we might not choose in a friend. We all have our quirks, and we are very grateful when others do not make an issue of each one. We can extend that same consideration to them.

Answer 2:
Ephesians 4:2 encourages us to put up with one another in love. It does not mean tolerating others grudgingly, but accepting with affection that we are different. Sometimes love is shown precisely by letting another person be himself without trying to mold him to our liking.

Answer 3:
For example, a shy person may need a lot of effort to start a conversation, while a more expressive one may talk quite a bit. Instead of getting irritated, we can appreciate the effort of the first and enjoy the enthusiasm of the second.

14. What will we focus on if we are patient?

Answer 1:
We will focus more on good qualities than on what irritates us. When we do that, the differences stop taking up all our attention, and we start to see why Jehovah loves and values that person.

Answer 2:
James and John had shown ambition, but they also had very strong faith in the Kingdom. Jesus did not ignore their weakness, but he knew how to value the good behind it. We can learn to view our friends with that same balance.

Answer 3:
This principle can transform a friendship. If we are constantly looking for what bothers us, we will find reasons to pull away. But if we look for good qualities—generosity, faith, loyalty, endurance—we will have many more reasons to appreciate the brother and stay close to him.

15. Who can help us to get along with people very different from us?

Answer 1:
Jehovah can help us. As our Creator, he perfectly understands differences in personality. We can tell him which situations are hard for us and ask him to help us react with patience, especially when we know that something may test us.

Answer 2:
Luke 11:13 assures us that Jehovah gives holy spirit to those who ask him. And Galatians 5:22, 23 shows that patience and self-control are part of its fruitage. So we do not have to rely solely on our own personality to control our reactions.

Answer 3:
It can even be helpful to pray before meeting with a person who we know sometimes irritates us. That prayer can prepare us mentally to listen calmly, not react impulsively, and look for the qualities that Jehovah sees in our brother.

WHEN OUR BROTHERS ARE SUFFERING

16. How might a person who is suffering behave?

Answer 1:
Physical or emotional suffering can make a person act in a way that is different from usual. He may withdraw, have less patience, or say something that hurts us. It does not always mean that he has stopped caring about us.

Answer 2:
Job 6:2, 3 reflects how overwhelming suffering can become. When someone is under a huge emotional burden, his words may not be as balanced as they normally would be. Keeping that in mind can keep us from taking everything personally.

Answer 3:
Besides, we may not even know what he is going through. We can see the behavior, but not the struggle behind it. So before judging or pulling away, it is better to think: “Could he be going through something I know nothing about?”

17. What do we learn from the way Jesus treated Bartimaeus?

Answer 1:
Bartimaeus kept crying out to get Jesus’ attention, and some tried to silence him. Jesus did not get irritated or interpret his persistence as bad manners. He understood that behind those shouts was a man who had been suffering for a long time.

Answer 2:
Matthew 20:34 says that Jesus was deeply moved. His compassion allowed him to see the need behind the behavior. That is an excellent lesson: when someone who is suffering acts in a difficult way, let us first try to see the pain that may be behind it.

Answer 3:
Jesus did not just feel compassion; he acted. He spoke to Bartimaeus with kindness, acknowledged his faith, and helped him. This teaches us that Christian compassion goes beyond feeling pity: it moves us to do something concrete to relieve another person’s suffering as far as possible.

18. How should we treat a friend who is going through a painful situation?

Answer 1:
We should treat him with kindness, patience, and compassion. We may not be able to solve his problem, but we can keep him from feeling alone. Sometimes just knowing that someone is available to listen already lightens the emotional load a great deal.

Answer 2:
First Thessalonians 5:14 encourages us to comfort those who are depressed and support the weak, being patient toward all. This shows that a person who is suffering may need more patience than usual, not less.

Answer 3:
Proverbs 17:17 says that a true friend loves at all times and is like a brother in times of distress. Trials can become moments in which we show what kind of friends we really are, not just with words but by staying close.

19. In what practical ways can we show kindness and compassion?

Answer 1:
We can start by listening. There is no need to try to solve everything the person tells us right away. Listening without interrupting, without minimizing what he feels, and without comparing his problem to ours can be a great expression of affection.

Answer 2:
Proverbs 18:13 warns of the danger of replying before hearing the facts. That is why we do not want to jump to conclusions about what the brother should do or why he is reacting the way he is. First we try to understand his situation well.

Answer 3:
We can also offer practical help—perhaps a visit, a meal, going somewhere with him, or simply sending him a message on a hard day. It may seem like something small, but when someone is emotionally exhausted, these gestures convey very powerfully that he is not alone.

20. What kind of friends do we want to become?

Answer 1:
We want to be friends who do not disappear when difficulties come. We are all imperfect, and sooner or later we will say or do something that may upset others. That is why we want to be people who protect a friendship rather than quickly abandoning it.

Answer 2:
We want to treat others with the same qualities we are grateful for when we ourselves fail: humility, patience, kindness, and compassion. When someone gives us room to make mistakes and keeps loving us, we value it very much. We can do the same for our brothers.

Answer 3:
The goal is not to have perfect friendships, because those do not exist now. The goal is to build friendships strong enough to survive disagreements, differences in personality, and times of suffering. With Jehovah’s help, such friendships can become even deeper after coming through a trial.

ANALYSIS OF THE PICTURES

Picture for paragraphs 7 and 8: the two brothers have different opinions

Comment 1:
The first scene connects Jesus’ humility in washing his disciples’ feet with a modern-day disagreement. The older brother could insist that his experience proves him right, but he chooses to listen to the younger one. Humility makes it possible for the difference not to turn into a struggle over who knows more.

Comment 2:
I like that afterward the two are shown preaching together and enjoying it. That shows that the disagreement did not have to define their relationship. They were able to leave it behind and preserve something much more valuable: their friendship and their cooperation in serving Jehovah.

Comment 3:
The picture also teaches that giving in does not necessarily mean admitting that our opinion was wrong. Sometimes it simply means recognizing that the matter is not important enough to create distance between two brothers.

Picture for paragraph 19: one sister comforts another

Comment 1:
In the first scene, the sister listens while her friend cries. She is not shown immediately giving her a long explanation or trying to correct her feelings. That reminds us that, very often, the first thing someone who is suffering needs is to feel heard and understood.

Comment 2:
Later she brings her some homemade cookies. It is a simple detail, but it shows that she kept thinking about her after the conversation. True compassion does not end when we say “I’m so sorry”; it looks for practical ways to show affection.

Comment 3:
The picture also teaches that we do not need to solve the problem in order to be good friends. The situation may stay exactly the same, but our presence, patience, and help can give the brother more strength to keep facing it.

HOW CAN WE PROTECT OUR FRIENDSHIPS?

When disagreements arise

Answer 1:
We can protect them by being humble, remembering that we do not always need to prove that we are right. If the matter is small, we can overlook the difference and not let pride turn an opinion into a conflict.

Answer 2:
Colossians 3:13 encourages us to forgive freely. If we have hurt each other with our words, we can acknowledge our part, apologize, and forgive from the heart. What matters is not establishing who won but restoring peace.

Answer 3:
If the difference persists, it is good to speak kindly and focus on saving the friendship. A simple sentence such as “I don’t want this to come between us” can completely change the tone of the conversation.

When our personalities are different

Answer 1:
We can be patient and remember that not every trait that irritates us is a flaw. Part of loving our brothers is letting them be themselves and valuing the qualities they have, even if they are different from us.

Answer 2:
Ephesians 4:2 encourages us to put up with one another in love. If Jehovah accepts that there are very different personalities among his people, we too can learn to live with them and appreciate the variety.

Answer 3:
In addition, we can ask for holy spirit to control our reaction when someone irritates us. Jehovah knows both our personality and the brother’s, and he can help us find a way to get along.

When our brothers are suffering

Answer 1:
We need to show compassion and not be too quick to judge behavior that may be the result of pain. A brother may be quieter, more irritable, or more distant because he is going through something we do not know about.

Answer 2:
First Thessalonians 5:14 encourages us to comfort and support with patience. That may involve listening, encouraging, keeping him company, or simply continuing to be available during a long period.

Answer 3:
We can also do practical things that show we are thinking of them. We may not be able to remove their problem, but we can help them not have to face it feeling alone.